


We've Been Here Before/ I'll Wait

by demiksmith



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fixation, Not the healthiest relationship, Spoilers, coping and 9S, mentions of A2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 11:00:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11919522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demiksmith/pseuds/demiksmith
Summary: He loved her. He loves her. He will love her. It might not be healthy, but it's all he's got.





	We've Been Here Before/ I'll Wait

It wasn’t healthy, but how could it be? He’d die under her hands, and awake anew, travesty forgotten, betrayal from one he ( _loves-loved-lost)_ trusts wiped clear from his processor. As though there weren’t shadows of past terminations.

 

(Hands, graceful and delicate, slipping around his throat, a caress so gentle he could weep, until she’s sobbing and crushing his throat and- and- _black box signal failure_ )

 

(Touching the corner of her black box to his, and he could imagine in this moment, perhaps in another life, or a future, that they’re clinking glasses in celebration, or just in happy relaxation, that they’re together and he’ll never be alone again and- _black box signal failure_ )

 

(They’re both bleeding out, but he doesn’t have the strength to end it for either of them, and she’s the strong one, she’s _always_ the strong one, that’s never changed, no matter what else has, and she holds him close as her blade sinks into his chest, and he smiles and- _black box signal failure_ )

 

_black box signal failure-_

_black box signal failure-_

_black box signal failure-_

 

**Pod 153 to reader: Unit 9S has too many memory logs to feasibly present. Proposal: assume each log ends with Unit 9S thinking of Unit 2B.**

**Pod 153 to reader:… Assumed proposal accepted.**

 

He’s at her side, helping her reboot. He doesn’t really remember, doesn’t _actually_ remember, but according to his Pod, 9S had uploaded 2B’s data before his own. He chuckles a little at that, glancing down at the android in front of him. She looks peaceful like this, her perfect face somehow even more beautiful at rest. Not that he’s brave enough to say anything like that…

“Right. Focus, Nines, 2B needs you on track.” He mutters to himself with a shake of his head. It doesn’t surprise him that he’d prioritize her data before his own. In fact, it sounds exactly like something he’d do. And… he feels like its something he’s done before… more than once.

 

Shaking his head again to clear that odd feeling, he returns to his work, hacking through processors and working his way through the process with barely any effort. He’s done this before. ( _Has he-?_ )

 

2B gets up, and for a brief moment, they’re standing so close- too close- and he’s been here before. This moment, perhaps not, but standing like this, close enough to wish her mask was off, to see her eyes, to tilt his head and-

She’s looking at him oddly. He can tell, the minute tilt of her head, a slight tension in her lips, the tendons in her throat just that much more defined. He sighs.

“Sorry, 2B, got distracted. Ready to go?”

 

She’s distant, but that’s usual. It unsettles him all the same, imagined flashes of smiles and soft laughter haunting him as they work through a city engulfed by nature. They’re androids, built and designed to be skilled in their own fields of expertise, but he still glances her way when he lands a satisfying combination of moves on the machine in front of him, the explosion of metal and resources highlighting his amusement at the success. She’s watching him, one heeled foot on the carapace of a large machine, her sword still in its head.

There’s a minute tilt to her lips, this time, and he brightens. Maybe, could she like him-?

Her replies are cutting, direct, but he remembers the slight indications of her personality, of her reactions to him, and can’t find it in himself to get worked up.

2B likes him.

Something _true_ rings about that, as though its something he should have known for a long time. 9S shrugs it off, and jogs after his partner.

 

2B is careful not to touch him, so when she does, it drives 9S wild. Memories and sensations (foreboding, fear, regret, _exhilaration_ ) rush through, and leaves him leaning into her instinctually. She reacts the opposite: pulling away, as though burned, whenever he does.

 

 

 

This is the last time, she swears to herself. This isn’t her Nines, not anymore. This is him, as a base program. It isn’t him. It isn’t _him_. It _isn’t_ him.

_It isn’t him._

_It isn’t him._

_It isn’t him._

_It isn’t him._

_It isn’t him._

_It isn’t him._

**Pod 042 to reader: Alert: Unit 2B repeats this phrase excessively. There is no need to display the total sum. Proposal: continue reading.**

**Pod 042 to reader:… Assumed proposal accepted.**

 

She’s not mean to him, she could never be, has never _tried_ to be, even when her Pod suggests that it may make the inevitable ending easier on both of them. She rages and swears when her Pod states such things, and so her Pod has wisely adapted and learned _not_ to suggest it. No, 2B barely even manages to remain cold and aloof with 9S, only the realization that he isn’t her Nines keeping her in check.

And when he smiles at her, genuine happiness at being beside her, is she weak for pretending it is Nines, just for a moment?

 

What she would give, to take this inquisitive scanner and run, run from it all. What she would give, to die before him, for once, to not watch, to not be the cause of his death.

Fruitless, meaningless wishes. Waste of processing wishes. This time, she will be hard, harder. She won’t fall for another 9S. Not again.

( _So she tells herself._ )

 

 

He has his face pressed against the crook of her neck, arms slung around her, confident and relaxed as she carries his weight on deceptively slim arms. Her hands are tight on his side and thigh, her concern bleeding through to him by the tension in her muscles.

He’s dying, but he won’t tell her that.

( _She knows: she did it._ )

He grips her a little tighter, enjoying this moment, pretending its anything else, anything than it actually is.

 

“Hold on, just hold on-!” Her voice is sharp, cutting, dragging him from his idle reverie. He brushes his lips against her throat, and feels her shudder in response.

Aside from missing a leg and excessive amounts of blood, this feels right. Like he should be fitted against her like they are one unit, not 2B and 9S, but something more, something whole.

He’s read about soulmates. Maybe they were… black-box-mates? He laughs under his breath, wondering what 2B would think of his line of thought.

They weren’t supposed to be emotional, but that was a well-known fault of his. So what if he felt grief at the idea of leaving 2B alone? Despair at the idea of never seeing her again, of being next to her, close to her, again?

**Pod 153 to Unit 9S: Data backup complete. Emotions as stated above are irrational. Unit 2B has not sustained any damage, and has her data backed up as well. Proposal: ignore emotional processes.**

**Unit 9S to Pod 153: Yeah, yeah. Thanks for using the internal system, Pod. 2B’s already pretty mad at me, I don’t think she’d appreciate knowing what’s going on in my head.**

**Pod 153 to Unit 9S: Communication link will be on standby, unless further commands are input.**

**Unit 9S to Pod 153: Geez, Pod, so formal. You can relax, you’re only in my head-**

**Pod 153 to Unit 9S: Communication link on standby.**

His Pod was a piece of work.

 

She’s pushing her body to its limits, ignoring her Pod’s regular alert pings, focused on her HUD and the slim body of Nines- _no, 9S-_ in her arms. He’s lighter than he should be, left leg shorn off at the hip. She hadn’t been able to staunch his bleeding very much, and they had been so far out in the desert that she’d had no resources to access.

Part of her had recoiled when she’d first went to his side, terrified and repulsed at the idea of _his_ blood on her hands again.

She’d managed what she could, lifting him into her arms like she had so many times before (hundreds, thousands-? She didn’t keep track anymore, and tuned her Pod out whenever it so helpfully offered a total).

His lips on her neck had nearly broke her, and she’d barely managed to contain a sob. _It wasn’t him_ , _it wasn’t him, it wasn’t him it wasn’t him it WASN’T HIM IT WASN’T HIM IT-_

She makes it in time, collapsing beside a cot in the resistance camp, carefully setting him down, like he’s spun glass, like brittle crystal, _like her heart_.

Her own body is too damaged to be of any help, so she hovers uselessly nearby, eyes sharp as the resistance members tend to her heart, to her Nines, and she bitterly accepts that it _is_ him, it always is, no matter how many times he forgets her or how many times she kills him.

She wonders bleakly if this was how they’d been programmed: to be desperately lost for each other, to need each other to be whole, to be sane. She can’t watch him die again, she won’t.

 

 

It’s her turn, and she can’t decide if she’s grateful or despaired by the knowledge. She relinquishes her memories in her blade, and she can’t help but think of him, her Nines, and wonders if he’ll be alright. She doesn’t think so, but she hopes A2 can read enough into what she’s left in her sword, enough to understand the partner 2B is leaving behind.

“2B! 2B, are you-?” She thinks she hears his voice, and something in her chest eases. Or maybe that’s her own sword sliding into her, A2’s grip resolute. Her head tips back, and she sees him on the bridge.

“Oh… _Nines_ …” She slips, seeing her heart standing so far away from her. The world tilts as her body fails, as it falls, and she is relieved, knowing that he is safe from the virus.

Safe from her.

 

 

“Oh no… 2B… No…” He’s sobbing, heaving breaths as he tears at his own head, at his eyes, as though that would erase the sight of her body-

He’s screaming, vocal cords creaking and tearing under the strain. His Pod alerts him to the self-inflicted damage, but he doesn’t register it.

“A2!” He shrieks, sword in hand as he darts across the bridge. As though this matters. As though killing A2 in this moment would save _her_ , would bring _her_ back. 2B… 2B… she’s gone. She’s gone. _She’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s GONE SHE’S GONE SHE’S-_ “ _I’ll kill you!_ ”

He falls.

 

 

Healthy? No. But he needed, and she always was there to provide. Her fingers are laced through his, and he hums softly, watching her face. She is still, at rest, and though blood and dust mar her face, she’s still beautiful. He gets up slowly, a vague idea that he needs to keep moving pushing him to rise. Her fingers stay in his, and he sighs, glancing down at where her arm meets his.

Blood has stained her white glove red, and feathers have never really suited him, but Nines laughs. 2B was with him, and would be with him, to the end. He’d always thought of himself as her Left Hand, and now she was _his._

 

Time is meaningless, and so he finds himself sitting on some debris eyes closed as her hand brushes his cheek. He could pretend _she’s_ actually here, if he keeps at it long enough. The glove smells like her, crisp ocean breeze and lush forest, beneath the coppery stench of blood.

“I’ve never told you out loud, have I, 2B?” Nines murmurs, leaning his cheek into her palm. “I think we’ve done this before. Well, maybe not _this_ , not you going before me, but yeah. I’ve died before. I think you killed me, most of the time. That’s okay, 2B, that’s alright. Cause I’m with you, yeah? I love you, 2B, I’ve always loved you.”

Her fingers are gentle on his face, and he heaves a sob.

“Why, 2B? Why is it like this? Why can’t we go somewhere, and just _be_?” He asks her palm, lips brushing the bloodied fabric. His arm is numb where his flesh meets hers, a bone deep ache echoing in his body as his Pod fights the accompanying virus. “I just want to be with you, just you. Forever, 2B.”

He’s still self-aware enough to recognize this behaviour isn’t healthy, isn’t what 2B would have wanted for him, but he’s far enough gone not to care.

 

 

He’s dead. So is _she_. So where-?

His visual processor is hazy, but he relaxes. 2B is right in front of him, her hand beside his. She’s so still… but he sees the tension in her lips, and he coughs a broken laugh.

 

They were together. They were together.

 

They were

They

 

 

**Pod 042 to Pod 153: Unit 2B and Unit 9S are together again. They may be perpetually trapped in this cycle, but they are together. Proposal: assist Unit 2B and Unit 9S to remain together?**

**Pod 153 to Pod 042: Proposal accepted. Both units more effective when together.**

**Pod 042 to Pod 153: Affirmative. Future actions should reflect this data.**

_Together. It was all they’d ever wanted._

_Together._

 

**Author's Note:**

> This game WRECKED ME. I had an inkling of alllll the endings, but it didn't clue in until the screen was all, congrats on beating ending A! I wanted to die. Then I played the next endings and understanding more of their relationship straight up murdered me. Play all endings of this game, if you haven't. Do it.


End file.
